When I feel overwhelmed, stressed out, or just unsure about life, I tend to retreat into myself, retreat from the outside world, and stop communicating with my family and friends. This isolation is a self preservation mechanism, but it’s also very self destructive. What I want most is to talk to people about why I’m feeling the way I am and get their unbiased thoughts about how to get over the way I’m feeling.
Instead, I draw in upon myself, make my world smaller and enter a zone of exclusion. I don’t do things that I know make me feel better, I don’t do things that I know help me in the long run, rather I turn inward and look to myself for the solution. Sometimes, I have the solution, most of the time I don’t. This isolation is a product of my youth, a product of my upbringing, and a product of who I had to be to survive my childhood.
As an adult, I dint need the same defense mechanisms I needed as a child. I don’t need to push everyone away, rather, what helps is talking to my friends and getting their unbiased thoughts and input.
Why do I still invoke these childhood defenses? I don’t know. Possibly, because it’s comfortable to do so. Possibly because it’s how I’ve dealt with things for most of my life. Possibly, it’s habit. I don’t know all the reasons, but I do know that it doesn’t usually do me much good.
So, I’m trying take little steps to get out if the ZOE. I do little things for myself that I know help. I write, I go to church, and I try and get some sleep. Mass is about to begin, so I’m entering another ZOE. With any luck, I’ll come out of this one feeling a bit better.